New Year's Eve, 2005

Wayne and Garth, you said it all:
Party time,
Excellent.

Champagne, beer, and vodka
Will wash the streets of this
Dirty old town.

Too many people pressed together
In too small a space will smile, saying
Inane, sparkling things to each other.

It will be wonderful, it will be
Fantastic, Like everyone you've ever kissed
Rolled into one laughing mouth.

Cloudy

Dense cloud cover for the last
week
The sun has forsaken
us
The only color is
Lead
Someone hand me an acetylene
torch
I'm going to cut the roof off this
bitch

Drunken Rave #1

Fuck you, New York Yankees!
You think you can buy me?
You think you can buy my love
With victory?
With namebrand athletes?
With your Hamburglar-esque stripes?
I long for facial hair, mullets, and pinetar smeared
Housewives...

You are like a rich divorcee
Throwing ponies at your love-starved children.

But ponies are heavy
They will crush your
Biggest fans.

Blind Date (Part One)

You were not blind
As I had feared
Just short, one inch
Above midget status.

Walking down the street
I would wonder
"Where did my date go?"
You would be right next to me
Staring at my groin.

At the resteraunt you joked
About buying me a mistletoe
Belt buckle. Yet even this did not
Turn me on.

I felt so old standing beside you
In that children's book section
Like your middle-aged father

We were the same age but
I should have been arrested anyway.

Dear Woman I Saw on the Bus Today

Yodeling will not bring back
The chicken you lost as a young girl
Stop slaping everyone with your purse
It is heavy with coupons and

Fog creeps into our pants
As we wait for a connection
Change in jangling in our pockets

Where in the hell are we going?

I would hug you if I had longer arms
Dear yodeling tornado.